I met the friendliest cop last night
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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