Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
