He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
