It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
