u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
