just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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