I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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