Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
