I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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