I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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