I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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