and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
