Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
