and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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