piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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