you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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