If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
