a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
