Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
