Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
