Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
