it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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