TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
