I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
