I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Randomize
