This girl is more easily done than said...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
