he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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