you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
