I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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