I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
