this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
