So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
