Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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