btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
