there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
