WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
