I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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