They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
