Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
