Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
