We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
