How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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