Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
