I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
