We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
