If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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