i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
