69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
