You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
