I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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