i think my tv is drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
