Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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