that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
